You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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