So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize