I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
only if we run a train.
done.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
