It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
