We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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