I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
