How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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