so that wasnt chicken after all
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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