sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
