420 ftw
Plan B is the new Plan A
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
