do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.