hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I spit up blood this morning
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.