Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.