I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.