i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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