3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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