Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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