Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
