i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
