soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize