At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
