okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
