They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
