Hey man sorry I got all grabby
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
