I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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