Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize