walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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