Jerry, you need to find god
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
