I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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