i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
