I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
