so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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