His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
