Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
