Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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