Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
