oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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