I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
