Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
