this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
