I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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