operation harelip BJ is a go
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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