Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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