btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints