my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.