You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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