hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.