I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.