Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
