Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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