I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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