he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
