You really coming over, don't trick.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
