ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
