woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
