Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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