you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
