i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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