Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
