her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
