I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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