In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
