$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
