Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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