do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
