I wish I could teleport
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
