No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
