My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
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I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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