now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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