Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
