dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
