He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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